Thank very much for this in depth response. I did need to hear that. I do want to be able to appreciate every note and find beauty. I will try to trust that this method works and just be patient. Others on the forum have also responded with encouragement and wisdom. This seems to be a very healthy group of people who love music and want to help others.
Rick
@rickman777 I’ll just add a little extra to that if I may? It’s a thing that I find very handy as I gradually find my way towards that ‘eventually get to know all of these sounds’.
As David (@ImproviseForReal ) explained, you know the note you chose is one of the 12 notes.
Listen to the sound of the note you played in the context of the music. If the note sounded a little out of place in that context, a high consideration for your next note might be just half a tone up or down.
Part of the beauty of the tonal map is that if you happen to start on a note that’s not in the key, then making that move half a tone up or down will land you on a key tone. If that doesn’t make immediate sense, try drawing out the map
1.2.34.5.6.71
As you can see, the dots ‘.’ (i.e. notes outside the key) are each surrounded by key notes.
So, perhaps ironically, if your first choice of note happens to be out of the key you are in a way ahead of the game because it means you already know two that are in the key. 
You might then hang out with that initial note (or two) for a little while (it’s amazing how much music you can make with just one or two notes), then use that experience & your ‘feel’, to choose where to go next. If when you make your choice the new note feels out of context, remember that tonal map & either skip back onto the ground you know, or make that extra half tone step into a newly found note of the key.
I hope that makes sense & helps.
Edit to add: Of course, if you feel you happen to like that ‘out of context’ note, you’re free to make use of it. No rules… 
Wouldn’t it be confusing if the music you were listening to was in a certain key and the the song had a different tonal center?
@rickman777 I’m not 100% sure which post you are replying to, but if it was my ‘move half a tone from a non-key tone to find a key tone’, then the tonal centre doesn’t make any difference to the logic I described.
Say you are listeing to a song that happens to be in what classic music theory terms a minor key. To IFR that’s environment 6, so if we were to write out a tonal map with that knowledge it would be
6.71.2.34.5.6
Each dot (.) still has a key tone on each side. It’s just the same with any other environment (or mode), e.g. environment 2 (Dorian in the classic terminology)
2.34.5.6.71.2
Identifying the tonal centre isn’t actually necessary in order to find the notes that are in the key. Identifying the role (i.e. number) of the tones you find, and in due course which of those is the tonal centre are things that will come with time & experience. In the meantime, not knowing isn’t a barrier to having fun playing along.
A good place to try this sort of thing out is using the IFR Jam tracks. Ways to play the tracks without seeing the name of the key have been discussed in various places over time. I list a few ideas in this post. @michael has written an App to help, see this Topic.
Maybe you were replying to some other post? If so I hope my comment still helps, either you or maybe someone else.
I think the key point is that after you practice for some time, you can recognize the notes of the major scale immediately. The same way you recognize blue or red. Then if you play some note against music that’s already going on (the harmonic environment) you will be able to say something like “that’s not 5”. Then if you know your instrument, you’re in good shape because if you’re playing note 5 you immediately know where all the rest of the tonal notes are.
All it takes is slow disciplined practice. I’m still working my own way there
It’s a work in progress for me too! 
PS. And remember you don’t always have to use jam tracks ‘blind’. I used them with full prior knowledge of the key for ages before I started using them ‘blind’. I still don’t always use them ‘blind’.
David, @ImproviseForReal, thank you for your comments. And thank you for clarifying how the chord melody course will eventually lead to using chord melodies in my existing projects. I appreciate your offer of help. I look forward to continuing along the learning path with you.
Shelley
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